I never used to like holding hands
because they would always get clammy from the nervousness
but to feel the warmth & closeness of another person
is all I’ve ever desired because of you.
you’d trace your fingertips across my face & stare deeply into my eyes
the most intimate I’ve ever been
& I’ve been searching for that same feeling ever since
you loved so gracefully
with your whole heart & soul, unconditionally.
at the time I wasn’t able to fully express how much you meant to me
but I thought you could see how my eyes lit up whenever you entered the room
I thought you could hear my heart pumping rapidly underneath my shirt whenever I kissed you
I thought you could feel the fire you ignited within my soul whenever you hugged me
I thought you could smell the scent of bitterness escape every broken part of me you’ve touched
I guess that just wasn’t enough
I know you deserved to be told every morning how golden you are.
the love I have for you will never depart
no matter the distance or how far we’ve grown apart
a letter to a love lost.
I’ve always been drawn to spoken word, poetry, music and anything artsy related. It’s given me the opportunity to use words to create poems in ways I’ve never imagined myself being capable of. It gave me the opportunity to freely be me. There were no rules, structure, or boundaries. And that’s what I’ve loved the most. But, being very financially poor I thought I didn’t have much of a choice to pursue other routes that would financially benefit my future. This deterred me from continuing my poetry journey several times. However, I keep finding my way back to it and I don’t want to depart this time. I want to take it more seriously and continue to grow in my writing.
I loved being born and raised in NYC because there was inspiration everywhere. My biggest inspiration, I’d never forget it, came from a woman of color sharing her song on the train ride. Her locs were past her shoulders covered with a black faux leather fedora hat. She had combat boots spray painted with silver and her whole style was dope! “Everybody is in a rush, just slow it down.” She sang that tune & it stuck with me the entire night. I definitely gave her the little bit of change I had left in my pocket because there was no way that I’d let her go without supporting her.
After she was done she said her name and where we can follow her social media site. I didn’t fully hear her entire stage name so I went home that night searching every social media site to find her but I didn’t have any luck. I just kept thinking wow, one day I want to be confident enough to share my poems with the world. I kept singing that tune and went to bed in awe. I found her on Instagram several months later and again I revisited that same inspirational feeling I felt that day.
I gotta dig deeper.
Where vulnerability is no longer my fear but my path to pure bliss.
Where my heart is fully open to love.
Where my past doesn’t allow me to play victim whenever someone comes along.
Where negativity sits by the tide but doesn’t move me offshore.
Where happiness exists outside of the materialistic things.
Where my mind & body is relaxed, not affected by anxiety.
I gotta dig deeper, for all I desire is already within me.